2026

12th of may, 2026

hi guys. happy first journal entry!! or blog entry or whatever. you know i actually did try to start a physical journal earlier this year but i forgot to keep updating. well.. i did remember about it but it was too painful already to THINK about even writing anything because i bad about all the time i didn't write anything at all. which is a bit ridiculous. all in all, i am very good at wasting time. today i thought about how i wanted to hang out with more people. i feel like a loser for real im about to go back home for the summer and WHAT do i have to show for it... nothing.. no cool life experience.. well thats a lie i have had some cool life experiences but well .. i think i am really just a person that likes to have fun. not in an adrenaline junkie kind of way i just mean like. i dont know ive been thinking about it recently too how im lowkey a super debuffed social butterfly. also i would have a lot more things to write about if i actually invited myself over to hangout with people.. I got close today but it does not seem like it’s going to happen. It’s already pretty late so…….

in another news, I have been far too selfish with the way i spend my time. sure, self fulfillment is important but im never going to amount to anything ever if i just do the things i like.. ever since i decided to create this site i have been spending too much time thinking of it when really i have assignments to do! everything is always so counter productive, it kind of sucks butt… i have to attend morning discussion tomorrow for my lsci class which i havent attended yet cos im a stupid bum and im scared to show up by myself LOL.. and then i have my 1pm and then i have studying to do. its not that much to do at all yet i dread waking up tomorrow. i just hate doing boring things so much. Life is so boring all the time you guys.

lol doesnt it feel like everything i say is super contradictory…? Umm what else is going on.. oh im going to visit Salton City with my mom this weekend, more specifically to look at the sea. im kind of excited to see my mom again because i am 2 seconds old and i cant survive without hugging my mother. we’re going cos i have a school thing for my litjrn class and i need to write about the sea and such. It will hopefully not be boring as balls. And then me and my mom can reminisce about the past or something, when we lived near the sea and there was scorpions everywhere and we were brand new us citizens and everything was more simple.

now listening: sexy to someone - clairo

13th of may, 2026

Hey guyssss today was not nearly as stressful as i anticipated it to be. Ok well i didnt end up going to that class in the morning cos apparently ur supposed to submit a question like a whole day before and if u dont u dont get any credit?? Or whatever its okay though we still got like . 3 weeks guys……….

I studied up today with new oomf guys.. Its nice to go outside and eat after i wish everyday could be like this. But then i guess it wouldn’t be so memorable… i forgot to mention yesterday that on friday i will be seeing the Great and legendary charlie kirk way. I am so excited you guys im gonna kirk it up like never before seen. Ill be the first to kirk at charlie kirk way (though not actually because i dont know the dance. Im a fake.)

the thing is i am incredibly slow at learning most things and it sucks like bro it always feels like everything else is moving so fast. This sadly even applies to funny tiktok dances. I’ll never be good enough guys. Jk Lol

I got the courage to talk with my litjrn professor about my profile assignment and i actually gained some clarity guys. Its genuinely ok to be slop idk why i always try to convince myself to make everything clean and perfect first try like . she said just overwrite and then clean it up.. I will do that. It makes me feel kind of excited. I forgot if i mentioned this yesterday but my profile is about the salton sea, and its history. Its on the same lakebed a Lake Cahuilla used to be which was named after the indigenous people that lived in the area by some guy named william. I thought it was very interesting because lake cahuilla extended from wat we now call the US to what is mexico. And its like. Lake cahuilla was natural…. But salton sea was man made.. And this is kind of like in colonialism. And im mexican. ILL FIGURE OUT HOW TO TALK ABOUT IT COHERENTLY SOMEDAY. AS OF NOW, i have decided i will trust the process.

i should probably trust the process more actually its like im just scared of everything all the time. Today i showed up like 40 minutes early to the study location because like im a stupid fraud. Like bruh. It was fine anyway. Like we didn’t go inside the coffee shop cos people were already sat there so we jist sat outside and i wouldn’t say it was unpleasant. I have the feeling the same outcome might have occurred if i waited before going in.. but what can i do about it now right…… looking forward to the weekend..

now listening: why bother? - weezer

15th of may, 2026

good morning u guys.. Its saturday. Yesterday i went on an excursion with my roommate and their partner. Well first i had to go to class and talk about frank sinatra for 50 minutes, and then i walked back to the apartment and we left to westminster. We first went to target because i really really really wanted these southpark plush danger things. Despite the size of the target, they were nowhere to be found. We got consolation LPS though so its okay. I bought 3 and ended up getting a duplicate so i gave it away though. We gave them a very bojack horseman-esque backstory which reminds me i need to keep watching that

then we went to this asian mall because SUPPOSEDLY they had the keychain things but well they didnt. So all we got was a bunch of culture shock like we were for real the only mexicans there it was so awkco taco. They did have a lot of miku stuff and i even saw love live and a giant buddha thing with a protruding chest. Which was nice. But no sp. So we left and went to our ultimate goal: charlie kirk way.

that was probably the happiest i have been all week.

then we went and bought some chicken food it was so fire the only thing that sucked is that i SUCK balls at smoking so even though we had a weed pen i just like was depressed the entire time we watched pizza movie like bro. Imagine being depressed while watching pizza movie. And i tried again and again and i thought i got it but not really… i did like watching rupaul. We started s7 it has trixie mattel and katya.

it was a fun day yet i went to bed feeling sad and inadequate. I feel bad about it. I feel like im just getting more and more depressed and there’s nothing i can do about it. Im messier and so much more boring. I just hate being a party pooper so much you guys.

also apparently my mom had to go to the hospital cos she was sick so she didn't come and get me yesterday but she said she’s coming this afternoon. Which like. Man i hope i dont get sick???? But well. We’ll see if she comes because she seems to have a hard time following through with what she says. I’m not saying she isnt dependable or anything its just luck is never on her side xd

but its the weekend now. One week closer to summer. One week closer to oomfchan..? I hope my depression is cured by then.

now listening: the world has turned and left me here - weezer

18th of may, 2026

i got diagnosed with cool guy disordr so now i take strattera XD

i went home saturday night and we got there at 3am on sunday. I went to sleep for a while and then lola woke me up super early like at 7 to take her walking and i was like well what the hell sure and we did 2 loops and got back inside. then when my mom had woken up she asked me if i was ready to go and i was like ayo i thought we were gunna eat here 0_0 and she was like nahh and then we got in the car and she took me to this mexican food place and we ordered chilaquiles con salsa verde they were so yum.com and when we left i got a piece of cheesecake and this horchata smoothie thing?? not really a smoothie idk what to call it but basically it was good.

my mom trauma dumped a lot during the drive. Well it was invited traumadumping so its genuinely okay. She told me about her ex partners and we noted how a lot of them werent looking for a parter, they were looking for a mother and they ALL had boymoms who live in their home country and ask them for money. They make it seem like they care but their sons are just like golden gooses to them. We also spoke of la santa muerte and tarot and tragedies and stuff that i wont go into too much because its a bit much LOL

we got to the salton sea and i started sinking and dying when we got too close to the water. I wrote a detailed scene of this for my litjrn class so i dont rly feel like recounting it. We went back home and we both took naps and we left at around eight or something?? Or nine IDK but then we went to dennys and i was like i couldnt eat anything that wasnt bland cos i was scared id throw up on the road so i made like a white person and ordered chicken tenders with fries and mac and cheese and garlic bread and i didnt even finish all of that.. We took it back to the apartment but i was like yea i dont really want this. And then i said goodbye to my mom and we hugged and she told me to not kill myself and i said dont fall asleep while you’re driving

We worry about each other a lot.. She told me to not worry about her and that she’s going to be okay and she has the resources to get more money and leave but it’s like.. Ok i won’t stop worrying about you dude youre my mom and i love you. BUT HEY she wasn’t as sick as i thought she was gonna be when i saw her, which i am very glad about. I realized i neglected to mention that after we went to dennys we had to go to target because THE SEA TOOK MY SHOES YOU GUYS..

i started yellowjackets s2 before my mom came and watched up to ep 7 until she arrived and just now i finished it so i gotta watch s3 now and its like oh my god you guys………… everyone says s3 is butt whch is sad because i genuinely seriously thought season 2 was amazing and very interesting and i love misty nat yuri.

now listening: alien alien - nayutalien

23rd of may, 2026

good afternoon it is saturday once again.i really was thinking about writing but well there is a lot of things i want to do, so it’s hard to figure out when to do everything, you know?? But i will put this off no longer. I do wanna work on a newer update soon although i am swamped with the scholar year ending. The upcoming week is week 9, then week 10, finals, then summer. Ive been studying for my langsci class final, my biosci final i may not Have to do cos i did good on the midterms (?), my polsci class final is errrrmmm yea im way behind on the material cos i havent been consistently attending class since on thursdays my scholarship meets like right when the class is. Unfortunate timing yes but to be honest i care more about the scholarship than the class. Besides its basic stuff like hobbes and kant so ill prooobbabbly be fine. LOL. and for my litjrn class, i had a meeting with my professor about my paper, and she said i was on track and it has potential to be an A paper, so i am happy about that. She pointed out a couple of my sentences she really liked and i felt proud because i don’t really identify myself as a writer like i did when i was a kid and i am not really especially articulate as you may be able to tell. But she said i was thoughtful and doing well which is good.

yesterday i studied with my classmate as i mentioned before. The material is surprisingly difficult to grasp considering its just words and letters like god damn. It was just the two of us but it wasn’t awkward which was what I was mostly worried about. At least to me it wasn’t awkward i don’t know about them. I was kind of happy that they were also confused because at least it means im not so stupid. Har har har.

that night we went to the dollar store cos my roommate wanted candy and i am quite picky with my candy so i didn’t get any. I really strongly prefer mexican candy… even if i wasn’t mexican, id still yearn for mexican candy!!! And then we were GOING to get pizza but we saw mexican food and we ate mexican food, i had a cocte de camaron it was yum.com. My phone was honestly killing itself though so when we had to wait for the movie we were gonna watch i laid down and TRIED to sleep in the car but it was not my fate. I did lay down for a good while though i will give myself that. I feel like i can sleep in uncomfortable situations like sitting up on the car so i was quite surprised that even though i was laying down, i did not succumb to slumber. Maybe it’s because i didn’t feel secure enough and i kept worrying about like omg what if i start snoring

the movie we saw last night was obsession, directed by curry barker. I personally thought it was really good and had a lot of interesting things to say about how men will take control of women, strip them of their autonomy, and even though they are AWARE of the pain they’re causing, they’re so deep in their insecurity that it’s like whah no one will ever love me i have to make this work. There was some funny parts in the movie but i wasn’t laughing really and i was kind of unsettled when everyone around us was. But yeah the lead actress inde navarrette was really awesome, her facial expressions were so good.

originally this was the second paragraph but it was lowkey like weird to put it second so i moved it down here ; I have been entertaining the idea of going to the beach with friends this summer, though realistically it may not happen. ugh i do want to see an irl oomf from high school again this summer. It’s how it is post-highschool graduation. You just keep saying “let’s see eachother soon” but not actually *meaning* it. And to be honest i am kind of scared of it? Someone i have known and who grew up alongside me, now an adult… can i really talk to someone from those days with confidence, knowing i am still the same exact person i was when we graduated? Very weird. There is a huge chance we won’t ever really see each other again to be honest.

wow ok anyway i got accepted to this leadership program thing that meets on zoom over the summer a few days ago which is kewl……. I may not be that much of a bum after all…? More crazy discoveries coming soon.

now listening: sugar pool - mom

26th of may, 2026

Hi guys im writing this on my phone. Ummmmmmm its 8:18 PM At the time of writing this. I told myself i would write after class and then i didnt because i was kind of tired from everything because i left at like 6:30 and came back at 3 pm thats way too long to be at school

its week 9…. Tomorrow is wednesday…… i am scared… im gona haev class to do over summer anyway and that other thing. It doesnt even feel loke summer it was like 60 degrees Farenheit today and i had to wear long sleeves…… the light is off right now and its just making me evennn sleepier . Tomorrow im gonna eat wingstop. I have to wake up early too for my class discussion ;-;

recently i find myself surrounded by a crowd of new people and it’s nice but also scary because you can never really tell what’s going to happen a few months from now, which is why i just stick to the people ive known for years most of the time. It was around this time last year too i was struggling with That Person. I really just can’t ever trust myself to be in a friendship with “””avoidants”” it is just way too painful. I really struggled then because i knew them for a few months and at the same time it felt like i didnt really know them. I want to connect from the bottom of my heart. It just hurts that not everybody else does, so i gave up expecting that kind of friendship will really ever come my way. It’s kind of reverse psychology?? Like .. if i say it wont happen then maybe it will.

my wish: i want to reach into my chest, grab onto my still-beating heart, and give it to somebody. i’ll shove my presence deep into your soul. of course, then they would willingly do the same.

i struggle with living in the moment, everything’s always about the future.

now listening: j’s lullaby (darlin’ i’d wait for you) - delaney bailey